When Angel woke again, it was already night. Cordelia was asleep in his arms, and he kissed the top of her head before getting out of the bed, trying not to wake her. He got dressed quietly, finding a new shirt to replace the one he'd ruined earlier and went downstairs.

Angel stopped short when he noticed someone standing in the lobby. "Connor?"

Connor turned around, facing Angel. "Why is there an open grave out there? My friends' fathers have pools in their yards—mine has a grave."

"It's a long story," Angel replied. "What are you doing here? Didn't think I'd see you back so soon."

"I've been doing some thinking since I left," Connor replied. "Went to my girlfriend's house. Turns out she's not an employee of Hell, Inc. like my 'family,' but she does now think I'm insane and will call the cops if I come back. So much for a three year relationship… Or, I guess, a year, since most of that was just fake memories anyway. Maybe that's why everything with her had seemed so off lately. She only loved me because some spell picked her out and assigned her to me or something. Not that it really matters now."

Angel hadn't been aware that Connor had had a girlfriend. He realized then just what it meant that he had given Connor a new life—his own son was a virtual stranger. "What happened to make her react like that?" Angel asked.

"I told her everything. The truth. If that's even what it is anyway. I'm not even sure what that word means anymore," Connor replied.

"You know I'm sorry, don't you, Connor? I had no idea that Wolfram and Hart were going to do this," Angel said.

"No, you didn't look closely enough to see, but that doesn't matter either. Not anymore. I can't… I can't do anything about my past. It's too much of a mess, too many things are mixed up. The new memories are piled on top of the old, and it feels like the time when I was your son was a lifetime ago." Connor saw the look of pain that went across Angel's face and said quickly, "Not that I don't consider you my father, because I do. Don't have much of a choice there—you're the only family I've got. But I just…don't know where I fit anymore. I did once, but that was all a lie, and now I know I never have."

"We can figure it all out, Connor. So much has changed—we can do a better job this time."

Connor shook his head. "I don't think that will work. Maybe my place is here with you. I don't know. But I won't know that for sure if I just stay here. And I know this sounds entirely clichéd, but I need to find myself."

Angel nodded, knowing there was no way he could make Connor stay. He'd given up his son when he'd made the devil's deal with Wolfram and Hart—a decision he kept regretting more and more. But at least Connor didn't seem quite as angry as he had the last time he'd seen him. He just looked…tired. "Do you need anything? Money?"

"No. My fake parents still had money in their accounts. I took it out."

"Connor, money from Wolfram and Hart, in any form, is…"

Connor held up his hand. "Angel, don't."

The fact that Connor wasn't calling him "Dad" was not lost on Angel. "All right. Just… Keep in touch. Please. I want to know that you're okay."

"Yeah, because you've really cared about that so much in the past."

"Connor…"

"I'll send you a post card," Connor said. "Maybe I'll make a phone call. Just don't…" He stopped, paling when he saw who was coming down the stairs. "Cordelia?"

"Hey, Connor."

"I thought…" Connor swallowed. "I thought you were dead."

"I was. I got better."

Angel glanced between his son and the woman who was now his lover. He knew now that the woman he'd seen with Connor the night of the rain of fire was not truly Cordelia, but the memory still stung. He wasn't sure of was what Connor knew about it all or whether or not he still had feelings Cordy.

Connor stared at her for a moment before he finally spoke. "I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault," Cordelia said.

"Some of it was," Connor replied. "I shouldn't have let things go where they went with you, or her, or whoever that was."

"She wasn't me."

"I figured." Connor realized now that Angel's scent was on Cordelia and now, that he thought about it, hers was on him, too. The memory of her scent had been pushed so far to the back of his mind that he hadn't noticed it at first. He felt a small pang, but nothing like what he would've expected. He'd had feelings for Cordelia, even before Jasmine had taken her over, but he didn't think it had ever been love. He gave his father an almost smile. "So that curse of yours…?"

Angel shifted uncomfortably. "Cordy took care of it."

Connor quirked an eyebrow. "Uh huh. Well, you two kids watch yourself—no jumping through portals in empty swimming pools. I'm not sure me having any siblings would be a good idea."

Angel started to respond. "Connor, I…"

"No, it's cool. Really," Connor said. "You love her. She loves you. I'm happy for your both. What happened last year—it wasn't real. I know that." He cleared his throat, backing away from them. "I'm gonna go now. Let you two get back to…catching up."

"Where are you going to go?" Angel asked.

Connor shrugged. "I don't know. Right now it's pretty much just anywhere but here."

"You don't have to do this, you know. You could…"

Cordelia put her hand on Angel's arm and he grew silent. "Good luck, Connor," she said. "And we're here for you, if you ever need anything."

"I know," Connor replied. "See you around."

As Connor walked out of the hotel, Angel wanted to go after him, but Cordelia tightened her grip on his arm. "Let him go. This is something he needs to do."

"He's going to be all alone," Angel said.

"He'll make it," Cordelia promise. "He's got some rough roads ahead, but I have a very strong feeling that he's going to end up all right."

"So much of what's weighing on him is my fault, Cordy. I should be helping him."

"The best way you can help him right now is to let him go. He'll find where he's supposed to be."

"I'm worried about him."

"I know." Cordelia wrapped her arms around Angel. "He won't stay gone forever. He's your son, and he does love you. He just has a lot to try to work through right now."

"I feel like I've failed him," Angel admitted softly.

"You didn't have an easy time with him," Cordelia said. "I'll be honest, some of the decisions you made regarding Connor were probably not the best. Whether you spent the summer in a box or not, leaving your child to fend for himself on the streets of L.A. is never really a good way to establish a solid relationship with him." Angel winced, and Cordelia reached up to stroke his cheek. "But parents aren't perfect. They make mistakes just like everyone else. And after Connor came back from Quar'toth, he was really messed up. Teenagers are hard enough to raise without the emotional damage years in a hell dimension will cause."

"I still should've done it differently. I relied too much on tough love, and I don't think that's what he needed."

"Hey. The important thing is that it was love. That's what really matters, Angel—that you love your son." Cordelia gave him a soft smile. "Connor knows you love him. And he's hurting right now, but he does love you, too. He wouldn't have come back here at all if he didn't."

Angel pulled slightly away from her. "I've already missed so much of his life. Technically, I've missed out on him growing up twice, and now he's gone again."

"He'll be back," Cordelia assured him. "And someday, you'll get to watch your grandchildren grow up."

Angel looked at her sharply. "Grandchildren?"

"Yes," Cordelia replied with a nod. "I don't think it'll be for a while, but yeah, I do see grandkids in your future." Cordelia frowned. "I can't really get a lot of details on that one, though. Much of Connor's future is sort of…blocked or something. But I definitely see him becoming a father himself someday."

"And he doesn't fight to keep the kids away from their bloodsucking grandpa?"

Cordelia gave him a look. "No."

"So what now?" Angel asked with a sigh. "I just sit around and wait for him to decide he's ready to have me in his life again?"

"It's all you can do. Anything else will just drive him further away." Cordelia glanced out towards the garden before looking back at Angel. "And in the meantime, you think maybe you could do something about that hole out there? It's kinda creeping me out."

Angel pulled Cordelia back into his arms. "Yeah. I can do that."

*** *** ***

Angel packed the dirt down on top of the grace. It had felt strangely therapeutic as he'd reburied Cordelia's body, as if he was literally putting the past to rest.

He wasn't going to lie to himself anymore. The truth hurt, but it was easier to just give in and face it. Maybe that way he could move past the pain he felt now and work towards something better for the future. He hadn't been the Champion he should've been. As much as he hated to admit it—and he knew he would never speak the words out loud—he knew why the Powers had chosen Spike instead of him.

For Angel, the soul had never been something he wanted. It had been a burden—a curse. He hadn't paid much attention to it when he'd been alive, and he hadn't missed it when he died. Getting it back had felt like a cruel twist of fate, a punishment. He had often times felt sorrier for himself having to live with the memories of his victims than he'd felt for the victims themselves. He'd allowed himself to wallow in filth and self-pity until the possibility of redemption had been presented to him. That had been the only time in a century of having his restored soul that he'd really attempted to be any sort of Champion. And then, it had still been all about him. The people he saved had rarely seemed like people at all. They were just another check in his plus column.

But the plusses could never outweigh the minuses. Those scales could never balance out. He'd done what he'd done, and that couldn't be changed. A saved life now didn't erase one taken in the past. That wasn't what being a Champion was all about.

It was about giving yourself over to others—about sacrifice.

In all honesty, he wasn't sure it was something he was capable of.

He felt Cordelia come up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her chin on his shoulder. "See? Isn't that much better?"

Angel dropped the shovel. "Yeah, it is."

"I gotta say, I much prefer me when I'm not a smelly rotten corpse."

"Me, too."

"We should plant something there. Make it prettier than a big pile of dirt. Flowers—not jasmine."

"No, not jasmine," Angel agreed.

Cordelia kissed his shoulder. "You're not going to have to so this all alone, you know. I'm here for you, no matter what. I'll help you find your path, and I'll help you stay there."

"I'm not sure I can do it," Angel admitted.

"You can. I know it."

Before Angel could respond, the phone began to ring back in the lobby. "Someone's calling? Now?"

"Yep. We're back in business," Cordelia replied. "Grab your weapons, champ."

Angel followed Cordelia into the Hyperion as she hurried to the phone, picking it up.

"Angel Investigations, we help the helpless."

*** *** ***

END